"a brief tour-de-farce"

Having spent a few days watching four-legged creatures running around ovals -- think Breeders' Cup -- it's time to return to two-legged ones running around in circles.

In other words, from horse-racing back to soccer, where brush fires of controversy have flared in all sorts of improbable places.

What follows, then, is a brief tour-de-farce, a look at some of the outrageous and ill-advised things being said and done here, there and, seemingly, everywhere.

Just to tie the two sports together -- racing and soccer, that is -- we begin with Cristiano Ronaldo, who was the subject of a lovely bit of blog writing in England's Guardian while being at the center of a continuing tug-of-war between Portugal and Real Madrid over his ankle injury and availability for the upcoming World Cup playoff series.

It seems the Guardian ran a story on how Irish colt Sea The Stars could earn more than Ronaldo when he (the horse) is put to stud next year -- as much as $1 million per week, in fact. Ronaldo is paid $393,000 per week by Real Madrid.

But another English newspaper, the tabloid Daily Star, then claimed that Ronaldo could earn as much as $2.5 million per game if Real Madrid agrees to play a series of friendly games in the Middle East during the Spanish season's winter break.

"No wonder fans around the world are placing bets on who will ultimately triumph," Harry Pearson noted in the Guardian, "the sleek and glossy stallion with the goofy teeth, or [wait for it, wait for it] the horse."

Pearson also took detailed note of the peculiar method by which racehorses are bred, finally observing:

"To most ordinary folk this will sound very odd indeed. For many footballers, it is an average Saturday night. The racehorse, though, engages in these antics without fear of paternity suits, palimony actions, or tabloid kiss-and-tell stories under the banner, 'The scent of my cheap leather saddle turned him on.' . . . No wonder footballers are instinctively jealous of horses."